parenting

How to Say No to Your Kids

April 20, 2017 by derick

As a parent, sometimes we find it hard to say ‘no’ to our kids. They will use every argument they can to get what they want. But its also our responsibility to explain to them why it’s a ‘no’ to avoid misunderstanding. For those parents who suffer from this, learn some helpful tips from this article.

Saying no is never easy, but it’s often necessary. Here are several ways to make it easier on both you and your kids.

No. It’s a little word with a lot of influence, especially for parents. Maybe it’s because of what happens after we say the word “no” (you know, the screaming and tantrum-throwing) that we skirt around it, try to disguise it and sometimes just don’t say it all.

“News flash: Kids need you to say ‘no,’” says Lori Freson, M.A., a licensed marriage and family therapist. “Children are not emotionally or developmentally equipped to make major decisions or rules, or to self-regulate. That’s your job. And if you don’t do it, your child will feel a sense of confusion and internal chaos, which could manifest itself in stomach aches, headaches, tantrums, and even ulcers.”

That’s why it’s a big deal every time you dodge “no” for the more kid-friendly “here, get distracted by this ice pop.” But, we all know, putting your foot down can be harder than it seems. We turned to the experts for seven strategies on how to say “no”—and make it stick.

7 Beauty Changes to Make Before You Try to Get Pregnant

November 10, 2016 by derick

Having a baby is both exciting and demanding, rewarding and frustrating, worrying and yet emotionally satisfying and fulfilling. Efficient methods and techniques help with pain and with any problems in different pregnancy stages.

Along with skipping happy hour and saying sayonara to sushi, you know there are certain skin-care ingredients and treatments that are off-limits when you’re pregnant. That’s because they might be harmful to your unborn baby or there’s simply not enough evidence to prove that they’re completely safe. But what you may not realize is that many of these same skin-care rules apply when you’re trying to conceive.

Whether you’re thinking about trying to have a baby or are actively working on it, here are the key changes you’ll need to make to your skin-care routine to keep you and your baby-to-be safe and healthy.

Get a skin check.

Moles can change, darken, and enlarge during pregnancy, so it’s best to have your dermatologist do a skin check—including full-body photos and mole mapping, if you have several moles—before you get that BFP. “This way, you’ll have a baseline for what they looked like before and you won’t worry yourself unnecessarily,” says Maritza I. Perez, dermatologist at Advanced Aesthetics in New Canaan, Connecticut, and director of cosmetic dermatology at Mount Sinai Westin New York City.

These skin checks are especially important to do before trying to conceive, since recent research shows that melanoma is more aggressive and deadly in pregnant women. A January 2016 study found that women who were diagnosed with malignant melanoma during pregnancy or within a year of giving birth were …

Why Positive Parenting?

September 16, 2015 by derick

“As a parent, we have the tendency to use force and harsh words to our children. We enforce what we want by planting fear in their minds. But we don’t realize that these style of disciplining doesn’t help for long. It may effective once or twice but soon after, you’ll realize it’s never really helping you nor your child.”

“I’ve come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It’s my daily mood that makes the weather. As a parent or teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child’s life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or de-humanized.”
-Dr. Haim Ginott

Why Positive Parenting? Because it works, from toddlers to teens. Positive parenting raises a child who WANTS to behave.

Strict Parenting raises angry kids who lose interest in pleasing their parents. Permissive parenting raises unhappy kids who test their parents. In both cases, the child resists the parent’s guidance and doesn’t internalize self discipline.

Positive parenting — sometimes called positive discipline, gentle guidance, or loving guidance — is simply guidance that keeps our kids on the right path, offered in a positive way that resists any temptation to be punitive. Studies show that’s what helps kids learn consideration and responsibility, and makes for happier kids and parents.

“Children misbehave when they feel discouraged or powerless. When you use discipline methods that overpower them or make them feel bad about themselves, you lower their self-esteem. It doesn’t make sense to punish a child who is already feeling badly about herself and heap more discouragement on top of her.”
-Kathryn J. Kvols

Why Spanking Doesn’t Help Kids Behave

When most people think of discipline, they think of physical punishment. Fear is a time honored and potent motivator, right? It certainly nips problem behavior in the bud.

But research confirms what intuition should tell us, which is that physical force teaches children all the wrong lessons. Children who are spanked learn that might makes right, that hitting is justified in some circumstances (such as when you are bigger), and that people who supposedly love you may hurt you.

Not surprisingly, study after study shows that children who are physically disciplined are more aggressive toward other children, more rebellious as teenagers, and more prone to depression and violent acting out as adults.

“But then how do kids learn lessons?”

Kids who are physically disciplined are actually less likely to learn lessons, because, as anyone who has ever been harshly punished can attest, they become obsessed with fantasies of self-justification and revenge rather than considering how to control themselves to prevent future misbehavior. Instead of becoming motivated to change and avoid the misbehavior in the future, they become motivated to avoid more punishment – not at all the same thing.

As a result, kids who are physically disciplined are not only more likely to repeat problem behavior than other kids, but are more likely to exhibit increasingly worse behavior, including deception. If you’re still considering physical discipline, please read the section called Should You Spank Your Child? If not, you’re probably wondering what does work.

Positive Parenting is the Most Effective Discipline to Stop Behavior Problems

“So what kind of discipline does a conscientious, compassionate parent use to coax good behavior out of immature little humans who are still developing the ability to control themselves — and are completely capable of driving you crazy?”

Every parent grapples with this issue. Discipline is one of the most googled words for parents. And even parents who refrain from physical force usually assume that discipline means some form of punishment, because our culture’s view of human nature assumes that humans must be punished so they will learn …

20 Things I Wish I Had Known Before Adopting

July 25, 2015 by derick

“Adoption must be a mutual decision for both couple so that whatever may happen or whatever you issue that may occur in the future, it’s the two of you who’s going to face it. You need to avoid the blame game and stand on your decision until the end.”

Like the first-time pregnant woman who remains blissfully and intentionally naive about the pains of childbirth, my husband and I sat in many an adoption class grinning wryly at one another. “It’s not going to be like that for us,” said the grin. Except it was like that for us. It was like that in ways that even the classes, taught by qualified adoption professionals, could not have convinced us.

Now, eleven years into our journey of parenting, two by adoption and one by birth, I have cobbled together a list of things I wish I had known before adopting:

1. Adoption is a wonderful way to form a family.

2. No matter how simple or rosy your adoption might seem, all adoption is predicated upon loss. Even if you are the lucky one-in-a-million to “catch” baby in the hospital and you celebrate with the birth mother as she joyfully signs parenting rights over to you, your child will be affected by the adoption. Your child’s birth parents and extended family will experience loss. You will feel the sting of not having carried your child. Everyone will miss the medical history if there is none available. You will have to deal with the emotional scars of adoption. Even if it doesn’t look like there are any scars, there are.

3. Make sure you are surrounded by supportive people who will shower you with all the rituals that traditionally come with forming a family with children. The two showers we were thrown made us feel like we were a real family (despite the many messages out there that we were not).

4. Some people will treat you like you are not a real family. Our first social worker — I said SOCIAL WORKER — was pregnant. She constantly communicated to us that while she was forming a family, we were apparently playing house. When she did a home visit, 8 months pregnant, she stopped at the nursery and said, “Oh…hmmmm…I guess I wouldn’t recommend setting up room for a child since, you know, you might not get one.” Before firing her, I asked, “Do you have a nursery set up?” “Yes,” she said, pointing to her swollen belly, “But, you know, mine’s a sure thing.” Ouch.

5. Set aside two to three times more money than the agency tells you you will need for the adoption. If you need it, it is there. If you are lucky enough not to need it — college fund!

6. Make absolutely sure that somebody is there to visit/greet you when you bring your child home. If you adopt internationally, make sure people are waiting to welcome you at that airport. If you are coming home from the hospital or a foster home, make sure there are people who will come by and (appropriately) ooh and aah with you over your newest family member, whether the child is a few days old or 13. You need this. Trust me. We arrived from Haiti to an empty airport. The fact that we had just become parents did not feel special to us at all.

7. Most people, when they inquire about your children, really do have good intentions. Some are just curious. Some are considering adoption. Some have already adopted. Some are grandparents awaiting a grandchild through adoption (we meet a lot of these). Some are from your child’s country of origin. Many are innocently curious children. Be kind. Give them the benefit of the doubt when they are asking questions — until they have proven that their intentions are not good.

8. Occasionally, you will meet people whose intentions are not good. Feel free to tell them it is private, ignore them completely, or in extreme cases, ask them an equally rude question. Once a lady pointed at my kids and asked, “Where did you get those and how much were they?” Hoping to educate her on the language a bit, I responded, “They joined our family through adoption. She pushed, “I can see that, but what’d you do to get them? I asked, “Are you considering adoption?” “No,” she responded incredulously, “I just want to know where and how you got ‘em.” Sobering up to the …

32 Ways to Save Money When You Have a Baby

March 9, 2015 by derick

“True indeed, having a baby is indeed a financial struggle unless you have saved up enough for a couple of years. It is even more costly when you wanted to shower everything on your first baby! Well, I guess it’s a typical response for 1^st time parents. But parents should learn to save and be more practical as there are a lot more expenses to await when they start schooling.”

How to Trim Down Your Family’s Expenses

Right after I gave birth to my first daughter, a funny thing happened: Virtually every dollar I owned seemed to sprout wings. Then one by one, they flew away—to the pediatrician, the drugstore, and any chain that sold cute kids’ clothes. Sure, I’d known that a baby would bring new financial pressures. But when I saw my first postpartum credit-card bill, I totally freaked out.

If you have a newborn, you’re probably panicked too. No wonder: Depending on your spending habits and child-care needs, you’ll likely shell out $7,000 to $14,600 annually between now and your little one’s second birthday. But there’s hope. Through trial and error, I learned a lot about raising a daughter on a budget. Now that my second girl is here, I’ve gotten even savvier. Here are ways you, too, can cut your baby expenses by half—or even more.

Hospital How-Tos

Say no to add-ons. Pass up a private room if there’s a charge. Fees can vary wildly, from about $30 a day in Alabama all the way up to a $500 daily charge where I gave birth, in Manhattan. By opting for a two-person room for my second hospital stay, when a C-section required me to remain five days, I saved $2,500. With nurses popping in every hour, I would have had no privacy anyway.
Don’t turn on the TV. Some hospitals (like mine) also charge patients about $8 a day for television privileges. But you’re there to rest, not watch a Three’s Company marathon. Relish the time with your newborn and the fact that there’s …